A twist in the content-sharing plot

Why it's difficult to talk about life abroad right now

Let’s be honest: how many of these can you look at without unsubscribing?

Over the past few months, I’ve been experimenting with small lifestyle changes. 

These have included stepping mostly away from social media, shifting from devices toward physical activities like working on a puzzle or playing music, changing dietary habits, and a few other key things.

None of these experiments individually has made a noticeable impact, but collectively there has been a big shift. I’m more alert and engaged, I’m sleeping better, my energy is higher, and my outlook is brighter. 

It’s made space to zoom out, and to make more intentional choices. It’s also, gradually, become okay for the beautiful moments in my life to be fleeting and unrecorded rather than captured for posting.

Okay, I did whip out my phone for this very physical activity. Ceramics are delightful even when you don’t know what you’re doing!

Which has all led to more consideration of my engagement in online social spaces.

(quick disclaimer: I know that social media interactions bring valuable connection to many people. This is only my own experience and viewpoint.) 

It’s consensual, how we as adults share and consume the presentation of our lives. We’ve got an unspoken agreement that you are welcome to consume what I choose to show you, I’m welcome to do the same with your content, and there’s no commitment to engage with each other’s lives beyond that brief moment of consumption. This is nothing new to any of us, but still the words feel harsh when I type them.

It doesn’t stop with social media. It’s here, as well. How much of my life do I share on Substack? Not my full name, not my exact location, but general details? Some specifics? Some of you know or have known me, so at some level true anonymity wasn’t really the point.

It’s complex, and sharing my personal life online has become uncomfortable to me. I value my privacy more these days, and I find myself shifting toward one-on-one relationships where the sharing of our lives is mutual and gradual.

It’s led me to ask myself: how much of my life am I comfortable putting on display? (add the words “for content consumption” and it makes the question a lot more heavy)

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There’s an additional layer that’s unique to describing life abroad. It’s almost impossible to find a balance between sharing the good and the difficult without being either overly negative or sounding like I’m bragging about our experiences. The middle stuff - what comprises most of life - would be pretty boring to read about. 

Life here is very difficult at times, far more so than it was in the U.S. If I made a habit of writing about this side, you would [quite fairly] wonder why we moved at all.

We also get to experience the kind of amazing things that you might imagine when you’re on vacation in Europe and, in that blushy wine-hazed sunset moment, you look around and say, I could LIVE here! These fantasy moments actually happen in our real life, with some regularity.

Most moments, though, are between these extremes. We get bored, we’re trapped inside by the weather, we practice our Portuguese while getting take-away chicken or mailing packages, we run our business, we enjoy a pretty sunset, we’re freaked out by the wild driving, we notice a hundreds-of-years-old tile pattern on a building we hadn’t seen before. We have a normal life that is also not remotely normal (and is what will probably keep me from ever moving back to the U.S.).

For all of these reasons, I’ve written many posts in my head that never find their way to my laptop or your inbox. 

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I have so enjoyed sharing moments of my journey here with you. In a world where you have literally countless options for content to give your attention to, you’ve chosen to read my story. Thank you.

It feels like a fitting time to pause this endeavor. These days I try to avoid calling myself an expat, and I’m no longer a piano teacher (I retired last summer but never published the post I wrote about it…maybe I’ll make that my final “pause” post).

Since I still enjoy writing, I will likely do more in the future - in a more anonymous way, or about less personal experiences - if I can find a path that feels comfortable. I think I have more to say, I enjoy writing, and it’s interesting to be a woman in mid-life who is self-employed and living in Europe. 

In the meantime, thank you for following my adventure. I hope that your own is memorable and fulfilling.

Boa viagem, meus amigos.

p.s. If you know me and you want to stay in touch, I’d be delighted. I’m a fan of email and I’ve kept Facebook Messenger. 🩷